<alarming> a. frightening because of an awareness of danger b. causing consternation
I’ve been forgetful lately. Not forgetful in the way that when reminded of the forgotten I remember and have to wonder how I could have forgotten. No, it’s like it never happened so that when I’m told of the forgotten item I don’t remember having ever discussed it or it’s so vague in my mind that I feel as though I might remember something vaguely related, but it’s murky, I’m grasping at straws. Lately I’ve found myself lying about it, “oh yes, I remember now.”
It started bothering me a few weeks ago. Little twinges of worry but now I’m thinking about it quite a bit. The real problem isn’t the forgetting itself, it’s the worry and the fear it creates which metastasizes so that soon there are a dozen fears running around creating shadows and dread. Some are ridiculous, some are legitimate but they are all debilitating on some level.
And then the possible and obvious explanations pour forth and I tell myself to quiet down, relax, but the fear is still there and it’s toxic. I have to live with it until the day, hopefully not far off, things get better and I stop being so forgetful or there a bright morning, clear sky or a fresh breeze shows up on my doorstop dispelling this fear and banishing its offspring to far away places.
